It can be really hard sometimes, especially when you've been hurt.. to give your heart to God so completely that it means letting your guard down. Just simply trusting that HE is capable of holding you... not letting you fall down again.
And even if you trust completely that He is capable, how do you trust that He will, knowing that His plan isn't always the same as our plan.
Do you ever just want to say, "God, can you please just do it my way for a while?"
--This is exactly where I found myself this morning. When scary feelings come to the surface and settle in that irritating place just under my skin, I often find myself in tears asking God to let it be my way for a while.
Now, on the one hand, I know that God's plan is best for me overall because His plan makes me the best servant I can be for His kingdom and that is the ultimate goal; however, what if His plan means that I have to go through more heartache. I'm too scared.
Welcome to my home. It sits directly between a big scary rock and a stupid-looking hard place.
-The rock being my overwhelming desire to live in God's will for me...The big scary part being the part where I have to accept that sometimes God's will might land me in a heap of heartache.
-The hard place being my desire to have a little peace in my life and to just relax for a while. To put my oversized bag of worries and fears in the closet or under the bed and forget that they're there for a while. The stupid-looking part being the part where I see myself creating all these fears and worries out of thin air and yet I stand helplessly unable to stop myself.
And though there are many days where I am certain that I am the lone occupant of this unwelcoming home, my logical side tells me that everyone has their own battle to face. Mine just seems extra big to me because its ALL mine.
I share my story with you to tell you that sometimes God doesn't work in BIG magical miracles. Sometimes He just plops down on the couch next to you and says "Stop being stupid...If you don't like where you home is, move it." Then like the gracious God that He truly is, He also says, "I'll help you. After all, I can move mountains*, you're house really isn't that big."
Man was I being silly. What was I doing? Wasting my whole morning on stupid tears. I was putting on a lovely show for the devil. I'll bet he had a great morning sitting on my couch with me, with a big bucket of popcorn.
Well, sorry to disappoint, stupid devil, but my show is over, and you're being thrown out. See ya.
Like always, my God turned my chin back up to Him and reminded me that no matter what, I'm always safe in His arms. NO ONE is ever going to live their whole life without heartache. So, spending so much time trying to figure out the best way to close the door and throw away the key is useless. Unfortunately, one way or another, at some point, heartache finds its way in. Its a part of life in this big ugly world. But the good news is that God reminds us that this world is not our home. And then He sends His personal guarantee that even when storms come, He will hold us in His arms and protect us. He'll never allow us to hurt more than we can handle.. And ultimately, all the struggles, and all the tears, only make us stronger and better soldiers in His army**.
I'm putting away my pity party decor and stepping into the Word of God, the only place that my time is truly well spent. I never leave God's word feeling empty, sad, or scared. It's filled with the healing power of the Holy Spirit.
So, friends, its time to kick the devil out once and for all. Forget about the past. Its over. Focus on who God is and what He can and will do for you. Take your eyes off of the giant and place your vision back on God. He wants to bless you***. He wants to see you filled with joy and peace. All you have to do is let go and let God have you completely.
*“Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that it is granted to you and you will get it." Mark 11:23-24
**"Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:17
***"And therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of Justice. Blessed are those who wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him." Isaiah 30:18
Friday, August 26, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Tough Promises
How often do you make promises that you truly intend to keep?
How often do you break promises and tell yourself its not that big of a deal?
Think about the biggest promise you've ever made. What would it take for you to break it? Is it unbreakable? Is there even a such thing?
Before you get too arrogant with your "this is pointless, I'd never break my big promise no matter what happens..." consider the worst thing that could ever happen and then rearrange your promise. How valuable is your big promise to you? What would you sacrifice for it? Your job? Your house? Your marriage?
In Chapter 14 of Facing Your Giants, Lucado talks about big promises.
What if you made a big promise in the spring time (thinking that nothing bad could ever happen to you) and then had to put that promise to the test in the February downpour (where it seems like there's nothing left to fight for). Would you fight the good fight, just to keep the promise? Is your word that valuable to you? Does your word really even matter in the grand scheme of things?
Lucado pushes one of those hard lessons that we try to pretend like God doesn't really teach people. One of those, He allows us to hurt so that we can grow stronger, kind of lessons.
It's not always wonderful news to hear that SO many times in scripture God allows bad things to happen to good people. But the good news IS still there. You just need to keep reading. It all depends on how you look at it. What kind of spin are you willing to put on it?
--God allowed bad things to happen so that he could teach the good people a BIG lesson.
In this case, we're talking about tough promises. So... here's where this all comes together.
Sometimes God allows bad things to happen to good people so that He can give them the opportunity to keep one of those big promises.
-In this day and age, the world's view is usually all about whatever is easiest for you...and that, my friend, can sound pretty good when you're hurting. "Do what's best for you...You deserve it."
-Well, what if what's best for you is to survive the heartache and see it through (no matter how painful) to the other side? What if your biggest victory is right on the other side of that mountain you're facing?
What if you consider it an honor to get to do what God has done for you. He keeps His promise to you no matter how crappy you are to Him. He is allowing you this opportunity to take the road less traveled. Keep your promise even when its hard. Keep that promise even when the world says its not the "smart" thing to do. Keep your promise because your God is bigger than the boogy man and He will see you through to the other side, and your BIG victory is waiting for you there.
I promise.
"Why should you keep your promise? So you can understand the depth of God's love. When you love the unloving, you get a glimpse of what God does for you. When you keep the porch light on for the prodigal child, when you do what is right even though you have been done wrong, when you love the weak and the sick, you do what God does every single moment. Covenant-keeping enrolls you in the post-graduate school of God's love.
Is this why God has given you this challenge? When you love liars, cheaters, and heartbreakers, are you not doing what God has done for us? Pay attention to and take notes on your struggles. God invites you to understand His love."
How often do you break promises and tell yourself its not that big of a deal?
Think about the biggest promise you've ever made. What would it take for you to break it? Is it unbreakable? Is there even a such thing?
Before you get too arrogant with your "this is pointless, I'd never break my big promise no matter what happens..." consider the worst thing that could ever happen and then rearrange your promise. How valuable is your big promise to you? What would you sacrifice for it? Your job? Your house? Your marriage?
In Chapter 14 of Facing Your Giants, Lucado talks about big promises.
What if you made a big promise in the spring time (thinking that nothing bad could ever happen to you) and then had to put that promise to the test in the February downpour (where it seems like there's nothing left to fight for). Would you fight the good fight, just to keep the promise? Is your word that valuable to you? Does your word really even matter in the grand scheme of things?
Lucado pushes one of those hard lessons that we try to pretend like God doesn't really teach people. One of those, He allows us to hurt so that we can grow stronger, kind of lessons.
It's not always wonderful news to hear that SO many times in scripture God allows bad things to happen to good people. But the good news IS still there. You just need to keep reading. It all depends on how you look at it. What kind of spin are you willing to put on it?
--God allowed bad things to happen so that he could teach the good people a BIG lesson.
In this case, we're talking about tough promises. So... here's where this all comes together.
Sometimes God allows bad things to happen to good people so that He can give them the opportunity to keep one of those big promises.
-In this day and age, the world's view is usually all about whatever is easiest for you...and that, my friend, can sound pretty good when you're hurting. "Do what's best for you...You deserve it."
-Well, what if what's best for you is to survive the heartache and see it through (no matter how painful) to the other side? What if your biggest victory is right on the other side of that mountain you're facing?
What if you consider it an honor to get to do what God has done for you. He keeps His promise to you no matter how crappy you are to Him. He is allowing you this opportunity to take the road less traveled. Keep your promise even when its hard. Keep that promise even when the world says its not the "smart" thing to do. Keep your promise because your God is bigger than the boogy man and He will see you through to the other side, and your BIG victory is waiting for you there.
I promise.
"Why should you keep your promise? So you can understand the depth of God's love. When you love the unloving, you get a glimpse of what God does for you. When you keep the porch light on for the prodigal child, when you do what is right even though you have been done wrong, when you love the weak and the sick, you do what God does every single moment. Covenant-keeping enrolls you in the post-graduate school of God's love.
Is this why God has given you this challenge? When you love liars, cheaters, and heartbreakers, are you not doing what God has done for us? Pay attention to and take notes on your struggles. God invites you to understand His love."
Thursday, August 18, 2011
One house Two house Red house Blue house
Well, life has been pretty hectic for us lately. Between cooking a baby, looking for a job, trying to sell our house, and looking for a new house...
Whew... I'm tired.
1. Cooking a baby:
Jack is doing awesome. He is growing really fast now and I can NOT wait for him to get here. He should be here in 20 weeks and 4 days. I hope it flies by! :)
2. Looking for a job:
My job hunting skills are, unfortunately, not as amazing as my baby growing skills. My search, however, is not over. I didn't get the headstart job. I didn't get the middle school job. I'm now hoping to hear back about a job at Bevill teaching a GED course. Other than that I', just waiting for some teachers to get sick so I can sub. ;)
3. Trying to sell our house:
Our house has been officially listed on the market for over a week and NO calls yet. I know. I seem a little impatient. Its just that this human growing inside of me would like to have a permanent home before he makes his grand entrance into the world. Our goal is to sell our house within the next 3-4 months, even if that means taking less than our asking price. Being settled in Jasper before Jack gets here is definitely more important than having brand new furniture. We can always get new furniture later.
4. Looking for a new house:
This one has been the BIGGEST headache for us recently. We started by looking at about a million houses.
--We found one we liked so we made an offer. They countered. We accepted. Sounds perfect, right? WRONG. Unfortunately, when I went for the inspection (and not to mention paid $400) they found that they house had some serious issues. We decided to withdraw our offer.
--Then we decided that we should look into building in that same neighborhood. We LOVE the neighborhood so it seemed like the perfect plan. We met with the builders, picked a plan we loved, and got everything in order. Then the night before we were supposed to sign papers with them, they decided to throw a clause into the contract that we had to pay them $10,000 up front and if our house didn't sell in 8 months, they would sell our new house and keep our money. Thats a BIG negative, Mr. Home Builder.
--That night, we decided to go another route. Earlier, we had made an offer on a bigger house in the same neighborhood that we LOVED but when they countered, we weren't sure about the price. SO...we decided then to go ahead and accept the offer. All we had to do was sign some papers and then wait for our house to sell. It seemed like the best plan of all because we loved that house the most. The next morning, we got a call from our realtor who said that unfortunately, the people who we were building with also owned the new house. They were mad that we canceled our plans to build with them and decided that they were going to make us pay them $12,000 up front to make an offer on the big house. But guess what. If someone else came along while we were waiting for our house to sell, they would sell it and keep our money. Seriously, Mr. Builder? Who do you think you are?
Needless to say, we didn't take that "deal". We just decided that day that we were going to do what we should have been doing all along. Trusting God to give us the PERFECT house for our little growing family. Who knows, maybe our dream house hasn't even been put up for sale yet. We'll see. We're just going to wait for our house to sell and see what God has for us then. I think its the best plan we've had so far. :)
Whew... I'm tired.
1. Cooking a baby:
Jack is doing awesome. He is growing really fast now and I can NOT wait for him to get here. He should be here in 20 weeks and 4 days. I hope it flies by! :)
2. Looking for a job:
My job hunting skills are, unfortunately, not as amazing as my baby growing skills. My search, however, is not over. I didn't get the headstart job. I didn't get the middle school job. I'm now hoping to hear back about a job at Bevill teaching a GED course. Other than that I', just waiting for some teachers to get sick so I can sub. ;)
3. Trying to sell our house:
Our house has been officially listed on the market for over a week and NO calls yet. I know. I seem a little impatient. Its just that this human growing inside of me would like to have a permanent home before he makes his grand entrance into the world. Our goal is to sell our house within the next 3-4 months, even if that means taking less than our asking price. Being settled in Jasper before Jack gets here is definitely more important than having brand new furniture. We can always get new furniture later.
4. Looking for a new house:
This one has been the BIGGEST headache for us recently. We started by looking at about a million houses.
--We found one we liked so we made an offer. They countered. We accepted. Sounds perfect, right? WRONG. Unfortunately, when I went for the inspection (and not to mention paid $400) they found that they house had some serious issues. We decided to withdraw our offer.
--Then we decided that we should look into building in that same neighborhood. We LOVE the neighborhood so it seemed like the perfect plan. We met with the builders, picked a plan we loved, and got everything in order. Then the night before we were supposed to sign papers with them, they decided to throw a clause into the contract that we had to pay them $10,000 up front and if our house didn't sell in 8 months, they would sell our new house and keep our money. Thats a BIG negative, Mr. Home Builder.
--That night, we decided to go another route. Earlier, we had made an offer on a bigger house in the same neighborhood that we LOVED but when they countered, we weren't sure about the price. SO...we decided then to go ahead and accept the offer. All we had to do was sign some papers and then wait for our house to sell. It seemed like the best plan of all because we loved that house the most. The next morning, we got a call from our realtor who said that unfortunately, the people who we were building with also owned the new house. They were mad that we canceled our plans to build with them and decided that they were going to make us pay them $12,000 up front to make an offer on the big house. But guess what. If someone else came along while we were waiting for our house to sell, they would sell it and keep our money. Seriously, Mr. Builder? Who do you think you are?
Needless to say, we didn't take that "deal". We just decided that day that we were going to do what we should have been doing all along. Trusting God to give us the PERFECT house for our little growing family. Who knows, maybe our dream house hasn't even been put up for sale yet. We'll see. We're just going to wait for our house to sell and see what God has for us then. I think its the best plan we've had so far. :)
Saturday, August 13, 2011
The latest...
Wow.
There is so much going on in my life right now.
Here's a quick update.
1. Baby Jack is 21 weeks away from making his first appearance in the world. His mommy and daddy are VERY ready to meet him. We saw the doctor a couple of days ago and she said everything was perfect so far. He weighs 11 ounces right now and he's majorly handsome. :)
2. There is a history teacher job open right now at T.S. Boyd Middle School. I have applied and am hoping and praying that I will get an interview next week. The job closes on Thursday and I would bet that they plan to go to the board with their recommendation that night. How amazing would it be if i got that job?
3. We have finally decided on what to do about a house. Sort of. We found our dream house and have decided that if God decides to bless me with this teaching job then we're going to go for it with the dream house. We love it. We want it. Bad. Time will tell...
4. Yesterday was my last day at BAM. I have worked there for a year and a half and really enjoyed my job most of the time. I just really feel like I've outgrown retail in a big way and am holding onto my faith that God is going to provide me with a better opportunity (ideally that teaching job). We just decided it was time for me to move on.
5. Tonight Josh and I are going to the Kirk Cameron marriage conference called "Love Worth Fighting For". I am SO excited about this conference. We are big fans of Kirk Cameron and just think he's a great leader and teacher and we look forward to hearing his message about love and marriage.
To sum it all up...
A lot of things are still in the air for us. Jack is cooking but I feel like a timer is ticking in my head reminding me we have about five months to figure it out and get settled. Yikes! We're working on it though and we're putting all our trust and faith in God and we just know that as long as we're seeking His will for our lives, its all going to turn out perfectly. :)
"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that it is granted to you and you will get it." Mark 11:23-24
There is so much going on in my life right now.
Here's a quick update.
1. Baby Jack is 21 weeks away from making his first appearance in the world. His mommy and daddy are VERY ready to meet him. We saw the doctor a couple of days ago and she said everything was perfect so far. He weighs 11 ounces right now and he's majorly handsome. :)
2. There is a history teacher job open right now at T.S. Boyd Middle School. I have applied and am hoping and praying that I will get an interview next week. The job closes on Thursday and I would bet that they plan to go to the board with their recommendation that night. How amazing would it be if i got that job?
3. We have finally decided on what to do about a house. Sort of. We found our dream house and have decided that if God decides to bless me with this teaching job then we're going to go for it with the dream house. We love it. We want it. Bad. Time will tell...
4. Yesterday was my last day at BAM. I have worked there for a year and a half and really enjoyed my job most of the time. I just really feel like I've outgrown retail in a big way and am holding onto my faith that God is going to provide me with a better opportunity (ideally that teaching job). We just decided it was time for me to move on.
5. Tonight Josh and I are going to the Kirk Cameron marriage conference called "Love Worth Fighting For". I am SO excited about this conference. We are big fans of Kirk Cameron and just think he's a great leader and teacher and we look forward to hearing his message about love and marriage.
To sum it all up...
A lot of things are still in the air for us. Jack is cooking but I feel like a timer is ticking in my head reminding me we have about five months to figure it out and get settled. Yikes! We're working on it though and we're putting all our trust and faith in God and we just know that as long as we're seeking His will for our lives, its all going to turn out perfectly. :)
"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that it is granted to you and you will get it." Mark 11:23-24
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