It can be really hard sometimes, especially when you've been hurt.. to give your heart to God so completely that it means letting your guard down. Just simply trusting that HE is capable of holding you... not letting you fall down again.
And even if you trust completely that He is capable, how do you trust that He will, knowing that His plan isn't always the same as our plan.
Do you ever just want to say, "God, can you please just do it my way for a while?"
--This is exactly where I found myself this morning. When scary feelings come to the surface and settle in that irritating place just under my skin, I often find myself in tears asking God to let it be my way for a while.
Now, on the one hand, I know that God's plan is best for me overall because His plan makes me the best servant I can be for His kingdom and that is the ultimate goal; however, what if His plan means that I have to go through more heartache. I'm too scared.
Welcome to my home. It sits directly between a big scary rock and a stupid-looking hard place.
-The rock being my overwhelming desire to live in God's will for me...The big scary part being the part where I have to accept that sometimes God's will might land me in a heap of heartache.
-The hard place being my desire to have a little peace in my life and to just relax for a while. To put my oversized bag of worries and fears in the closet or under the bed and forget that they're there for a while. The stupid-looking part being the part where I see myself creating all these fears and worries out of thin air and yet I stand helplessly unable to stop myself.
And though there are many days where I am certain that I am the lone occupant of this unwelcoming home, my logical side tells me that everyone has their own battle to face. Mine just seems extra big to me because its ALL mine.
I share my story with you to tell you that sometimes God doesn't work in BIG magical miracles. Sometimes He just plops down on the couch next to you and says "Stop being stupid...If you don't like where you home is, move it." Then like the gracious God that He truly is, He also says, "I'll help you. After all, I can move mountains*, you're house really isn't that big."
Man was I being silly. What was I doing? Wasting my whole morning on stupid tears. I was putting on a lovely show for the devil. I'll bet he had a great morning sitting on my couch with me, with a big bucket of popcorn.
Well, sorry to disappoint, stupid devil, but my show is over, and you're being thrown out. See ya.
Like always, my God turned my chin back up to Him and reminded me that no matter what, I'm always safe in His arms. NO ONE is ever going to live their whole life without heartache. So, spending so much time trying to figure out the best way to close the door and throw away the key is useless. Unfortunately, one way or another, at some point, heartache finds its way in. Its a part of life in this big ugly world. But the good news is that God reminds us that this world is not our home. And then He sends His personal guarantee that even when storms come, He will hold us in His arms and protect us. He'll never allow us to hurt more than we can handle.. And ultimately, all the struggles, and all the tears, only make us stronger and better soldiers in His army**.
I'm putting away my pity party decor and stepping into the Word of God, the only place that my time is truly well spent. I never leave God's word feeling empty, sad, or scared. It's filled with the healing power of the Holy Spirit.
So, friends, its time to kick the devil out once and for all. Forget about the past. Its over. Focus on who God is and what He can and will do for you. Take your eyes off of the giant and place your vision back on God. He wants to bless you***. He wants to see you filled with joy and peace. All you have to do is let go and let God have you completely.
*“Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that it is granted to you and you will get it." Mark 11:23-24
**"Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:17
***"And therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of Justice. Blessed are those who wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him." Isaiah 30:18
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